anew

So here I am in a new place
trying to find a soul to fit this face
And even though i run it quickly catches up
the loneliness the emptiness everything i felt
The feelings that someone always wants something from me
the intentions might always be good, but the results always end up the same
I am nothing but  a girl with a name.
I left everything I had behind.
My lover, My friends, My family
To try and chase the person inside me.
But what I cannot escape is this dark hole.
The one that tells me I will always be alone.
Humans will always want to hurt each other, because our survival is to use each other.
Unlike animals where it is only to stay safe from another.
I want to hurt myself to punish myself
to be so ignorant to believe something better awaited me
Even more alone no one to call 
no one to talk to 
I dont know what I expected.
maybe to meet new people and not be so afraid.
To make someone mad
to displease someone
I hate depending on others,
I cannot become the person I wish to be
if im restricted and inflicted to be someone 
others wish me to be. 


oh god please help me.
and if its easier I die,
forgive me for all I have done
and if I am meant to live
oh god please help me
give me a purpose to live