What is beauty

What is beauty but a look and admiration for a short period. What is beauty but a lie to the eye about who the person is or who you want them to be.  Who is this girl everyone sees but I don't recognize when i stare into the mirror. So much pain from my beauty.  Being used being lied to.  Being seen not understood being wanted and misunderstood.  Being the one for a moment not for a while.

Who am I

Who am I
There's so many voice inside speaking at the same time
Nothing is clear Nothing is heard and Nothing is done
Feeling I have a bigger purpose than what is understood
Analyzing myself and Categorizing myself as insane.
But is it crazy to believe there is something more?
That only because we do not understand it, we should pretend it does not exist
Where in religion or science does this make sense?

So who am I
Where am I to go
What am I do do
When will I know

I feel the animals connect with me
the trees they speak to me
the ocean harmonizes with me
The wind hugs me
The sun smiles at me
The moon enlightens me
The stars watch over me

But still I ask who am I

Depth in thought but lost in words,
i wish to say but none will escape
I want to know more about the world,
then maybe then I will know more about myself


I have no dislikes, I have no likes
Anguish and pain is my company I dont like to do without
With them I search for more, Cry because that is the only time I feel.
Never do I feel excitement, Nor do I know true happiness
I know love, I know the feeling when I get goosebumps is because I feel the beauty.

I know my words don't make sense,my thoughts & feelings clash making only a bigger mess.
 I am a collection of the want, need, and have.
I am only trying to understand/
Who I am

Who I am

anew

So here I am in a new place
trying to find a soul to fit this face
And even though i run it quickly catches up
the loneliness the emptiness everything i felt
The feelings that someone always wants something from me
the intentions might always be good, but the results always end up the same
I am nothing but  a girl with a name.
I left everything I had behind.
My lover, My friends, My family
To try and chase the person inside me.
But what I cannot escape is this dark hole.
The one that tells me I will always be alone.
Humans will always want to hurt each other, because our survival is to use each other.
Unlike animals where it is only to stay safe from another.
I want to hurt myself to punish myself
to be so ignorant to believe something better awaited me
Even more alone no one to call 
no one to talk to 
I dont know what I expected.
maybe to meet new people and not be so afraid.
To make someone mad
to displease someone
I hate depending on others,
I cannot become the person I wish to be
if im restricted and inflicted to be someone 
others wish me to be. 


oh god please help me.
and if its easier I die,
forgive me for all I have done
and if I am meant to live
oh god please help me
give me a purpose to live
 

people in my head

I scare myself,
I close my eyes and see someone else.
Who am I when I'm not myself.
I think I need some help.
help help help
These voices wont stop speaking
These images just wont leave me
These thoughts won't seem to stop
They go against what I was taught
Inside there's three of me and were all enemies
Good, Bad, and in between
Fighting over everything
Doing everything differently
I think I'm 1/3 Crazy
I want to be good but I keep thinking bad.

To know our purpose

I know you'll choose to close your ears because I don't say what you want to hear  the truth of life and hurt. Living in a life of lies living for what we think is right. Searching for the answers we hope to find but will never unless we take the right path  with so many its easy to get lost we just need to stop ask for directions. Read the signs that are around us. Help each other find the right way.

My Lonely will love me

All alone, Im not gonna do this anymore!
I dont want to need somone to understand me
listen to me when im feeling lonely.
I dont want  company, My friend will be my lonely
need no one but me,
my lonely will love me
my lonely my lonely
noone to feel sorry for me
no one to to leave because they never came.
this is the way this is the way i want it.
im going to run far where far where it dosent matter if I'm wanted
forget the faces i knew
remember the pain to push me threw
who are you, and this is what i do
it wont be new, this is what ive done.
im the only one for this one

Barbie life

fame killed the person who was a nobody made a monster. fake nails fake hair fake eyelashes fake voice fake boobs fake life fake ass fake dreams fake fake fake. where she go? i dont know. dig yourself up out this hole be that girl u were before. stop looking to do more nothing but an attention whore. fame killed the person who was a nobody now shes just trying to stay a somebody. working for easy money. success was the result of hard work, now what do we got to look forward for. dont kill the dream kill the fame. forget the big name we all the same trying to live life right. nice things but the things that matter disappear u dont see it but i do that what im here to tell you. clear the fog see the path do the math you aint gettin no younger. time can never be replaced nothing u did will ever get erased you made your mark its time for a new start.............. the lights cameras rumors haters will always be there do something  leave something good do better live for the ppl that matter. fame was the result of success its all a process...patience. 

now every girls  a wanabe barbie.

seen it lived it.

glad im changin

(watching the youtube videos on kat stacks got me to thinking and this is what i had to say)